A Moment of Panic

I made it. I knew it was right. I am convinced that God opened this door. I had peace with it. I was ready to leave, to follow this new journey. So I thought.

The panic hit. My mind started racing with thoughts of doubts as I listened to my sister-in-law talk about her future plans for her career. I started wondering, "Did I make the right choice?", "What in the world am I doing?", "Did I hear God correctly?", and my thoughts kept racing along these lines.

This decision was not easy. I have lived in Iowa my whole life and in Des Moines for the past fifteen years. Iowa is my home. I had been at my current job location for over seven years. I was loved there. I was appreciated there. I knew what I was doing. It was all comfortable and known.

But over the past year, this disconnect started within me to this daily life. Discovering the source took me awhile. I spent many months knocking on doors and praying for guidance. I had a team of people praying along side me. God revealed the path. I accepted it. God told me the steps to take. I obeyed.

But in the one moment, I doubted. Did I hear correctly? There are still so many unknowns waiting for me once I reach California that my control kicked in. I wanted to take back the journey so I can make it comfortable, safe, and known. I literally could see myself taking my future out of God's hands and placing it in my own, not believing I could do better but that I could make it known and safe.

After much self-talk, reminding myself that God laid this journey before me, the moment of panic disappeared. God has confirmed this new journey in so many ways. But that step of faith and trust, moving out on a plan that is not by your design is scary and exhilerating at the same time. I wonder what is to come...