Playing it safe is risky.

• Sometimes taking a calculated risk means giving up something good so you can experience something great.

That quote resonates in my mind and spirit, especially right now in my life. Yes, I am still dwelling on my decision to resign from my previous position and move to California, and this book has been a great challenge to my faith.

I had it good in Iowa. I had a great home, despite the work that was needed on it. I had great roommates, despite the unwanted roommate that found its way into the attic. (I still do not know how that raccoon made its way into the attic.) I had a good job with a steady income. I was loved by my co-workers and got along well with everyone there. I had positions that I could do well and I could take satisfaction in them. I lived close by to my brother and his family. Very few things can top the feeling of two little arms wrapping around my neck and small, happy voice calling my name. So why would I leave that all behind and move across country?

I did not have a job waiting for me when I arrived here. I was not accepted to school so I could be attending there this fall. I moved into my parent's home, moving myself from a whole house to a bedroom. I left a church where I was known by many to now being a nameless face among so many at a new church. I made quite the change. It would seem that my decision was not moving me from good to great but from good to nothing.

It has been a month since I moved to California. I am still waiting for a job opportunity to come across my path. I have sent many applications with a several interesting jobs but no calls for interviews. No job. No school. No income. What have I done?

Over the past few weeks, during the quiet hours of my days, I have noticed one thing about my life. I had become very independent from God in my life in Iowa. It was not caused by any one person or by any one thing. I had just become comfortable with my work and I knew that I could do it on my own strength. I knew how to manage it all and I did it all.

Now, so many things are beyond my control. There are so many things that I cannot do on my own strength. I am learning that I am not in love with God as I should be. I am learning that there is so much about Him that I have known in my mind but have never experienced fully. What comes next in my life will not be on my own strength but by the power of God and His spirit working in me. I am looking forward to diving deep into God and experiencing His fullness. I am expecting the great to come. By His hand, not my own.

*my thoughts from Chapter 6, In a Pit With a Lion on a Snowy Day by Mark Batterson